Men Are Increasingly Finding Themselves in Caregiving Roles

The Squeeze

• Men now make up nearly 39 percent of family caregivers, up from 27 percent in 1997.
• As with female caregivers, men’s lives can be turned upside down in an instant by a major medical event when caring for parents and kids.
• Studies find that aging parents are more likely to talk to their sons about money matters than their daughters.

When it comes to kids, women have long taken the lead — even as men’s hours of hands-on parenting have nearly tripled to 7.3 hours each week, from 2.5 hours in 1965.

But what about the other end of the caregiving spectrum? Here, men are also actively pitching in, making up nearly 39 percent of family caregivers, up from 27 percent in 1997, according to 2015 research conducted by the National Alliance on Caregiving in partnership with AARP.

Such growing responsibility places many men squarely in the Sandwich Generation. Today, nearly half of all midlife adults (47 percent) have both a parent aged 65 or older as well as children — either young kids or grown — that they are still supporting financially. 

Yes, women, by far, are more often squeezed by the “sandwich” burden than men, but the changing landscape of family care means that not only men’s participation but their very roles are shifting and changing in caregiving. For example, while men typically have leaned into caregiving by paying for eldercare, AARP research shows that today a growing number of men are actually providing the care, assisting not only with daily tasks such as grocery shopping, tracking medications and scheduling doctor’s appointments but also handling the more intimate personal care tasks including feeding and bathing their parents or in-laws. 

And, like women caregivers, male caregivers are also taking over increasingly complex medical care tasks, such as wound care, tube feedings and other care that nurses would traditionally have administered.

As any caregiver would tell you, it’s a lot to handle. And the research bears that out as well: the broad majority of caregivers who handle these complex medical tasks — more than 70 percent of females and males alike — feel unprepared to do so, and wish they had had more support and more information. 

Another shared trait? Half of both male and female caregivers feel they “had no choice” in stepping into the caregiving role, and that there was no other available solution. 

It’s an unpredictable role for both men and women. Caught between two critical responsibilities, caregivers’ lives can be turned upside-down in an instant by a major medical event, while even lesserious calamities can present fresh challenges, pulling caregivers in multiple directions.

One of the pulls is typically financial. Sandwiched caregivers are often called upon to assist parents in paying for current or planning for future medical expenses, and generally looking ahead to what care may be required down the road, whether at home, in a hospital or in a nursing home. Traditional roles still hold when it comes to money matters:  Studies find that parents are more likely to talk to their sons than their daughters about financial issues.

As for their own finances and careers, working fathers are learning fast what working mothers have long known: juggling a job and family needs is no easy feat. Employee-caregivers may feel isolated from colleagues, experience stress and sleeplessness, and turn down promotional opportunities in order to protect the time they need to spend on caregiving. 

And, of course, male caregivers cite the emotional and logistical support of spouses, siblings and other family members as being central to being able to manage competing responsibilities successfully. Perhaps because carrying the full brunt of caregiving is newer to men, or because of their primary breadwinning responsibilities in many families, men are still more likely to experience caregiving burnout. And of course, there is a lingering social stigma that discourages many men from asking for help, also related to the newness of these shifting priorities and responsibilities within families.

But no matter male or female, support is essential to all caregivers. The federal Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) — and additional paid family leave laws in California, New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island, Washington, and the District of Columbia — can assist some workers, allowing them to take unpaid family leave and protecting their jobs, sometimes for up 12 weeks and beyond. But it’s critical that caregivers be recognized and somehow compensated for the essential work they do to provide family members with a broad range of support services. All told, about 41 million caregivers in the United States provided an estimated 34 billion hours of care to loved ones in 2017, labors that equal an estimated economic value of $470 billion.

In May of this year, a bill called the Credit for Caring Act was introduced in both the House and Senate. The bill is being led with bipartisan support, and it proposes an up to $5,000 tax credit for eligible working family caregivers — funds that both male and female caregivers would certainly welcome equally.