The True Cost of Caring for Elderly Parents

The Squeeze

• The average cost of a room in a nursing home can exceed $100,000 annually.
• The Sandwich Generation loses an estimated 83 minutes of paid time each day due to elder caregiving, which can impact not only current earnings but future savings for retirement.
• Finding a balance between caregiving and self-care, both financially and emotionally, is key to maintaining your sanity and doing the best your for your family. 

When I was a teenager in high school, my mother took on the care for her elderly aunt. For a few years, this meant that I rarely saw my mother and had to learn how to take care of myself. (We're talking tons of MTV's Real World, overcooked ramen and hours spent talking on the phone.) 

It was an incredibly stressful time for my mother, both physically and financially. Not only did she lose out on income, she missed having a personal life, and her health took a nosedive. The visible and hidden costs of caregiving were much higher than anyone could have predicted when she first agreed to help make sure that Aunt Pearl's final years were comfortable.

So what does it really cost to care for your aging parents? The answer is different for every family situation, of course, since no two American families share the same experience of a financial or health safety net. Still, there are three major cost buckets that impact nearly every sandwiched caregiver: 

• Financial costs
• Impact on potential earnings
• Stress on mental, emotional, and physical health

Here we run down key national trends to create a snapshot of what we all should consider when caring for our aging parents.

The hard costs of caregiving

It is not cheap to grow old. According to statistics published by US News, the average 65-year-old American living has a 70 percent chance of needing some form of long-term care. And of those, a whopping 20 percent will require that long-term care for at least 5 years or more. 

Here is a quick cost breakdown of national annual median costs for nursing home care:

• Private room in a nursing home: $102,200
• A semi-private room in a nursing home: $90,156
• Adult day health services: $19,400

For most families, nursing care options are costly and not fully covered by Medicaid. When retirement or pension funds can’t fill the gap left by health insurance, more and more aging Americans are turning to family members for help. 

The hidden costs of caregiving

Taking the lead on elder caregiving can save nursing home costs but can impact a caregiver's bottom line in other ways, including career and salary. According to the Pew Research Center, the average adult caregiver loses an average of 83 minutes of paid time each day, while spending an average of:

• 67 minutes more time spent caring for an older person 
• 14 minutes more spent doing household chores
• 21 minutes less time spent sleeping

Lost earnings not only impact today's bills but potential savings for retirement down the road as well. The news isn't all bad, however. With the right planning, any caregiver feeling the squeeze can find innovative and clever ways to protect their savings and even build on them. 

The emotional costs of caregiving

I vividly remember watching my mother slip into depression as her caregiving responsibilities took away all time for friends or hobbies. Today, experts say it is essential for caregivers to practice self-care and find ways to balance their personal life. 

Caregiver burnout is a real phenomenon that can snowball from feeling tired and depressed to experiencing a stress-related health crisis. When a person is thrust into the role of caregiver, especially someone who is raising children and already living with a full plate, the added responsibilities can feel overwhelming. 

According to the Cleveland Clinic, caregivers who experience burnout do so after neglecting their own time for personal needs such as physical, mental, and emotional health. As a result, they can face emergency health problems. 

Some symptoms of caregiver burnout include:

Withdrawing socially from friends and family

Irritability, anxiety, and depression

Loss of sleep, appetite, and weight

Thoughts of self-harm or harming the person you are caring for

To prevent burnout, caregivers must make time to care for themselves. That starts with making sure that their role as a caregiver is clearly defined. Here are a few suggestions to start.

Be clear about what type of care is expected of you. 

This kind of clarity includes asking questions like, Will you cook and clean? Will you feed or wash the person you are caring for? Who is in charge of finances, medications, or the day-to-day oversight of running their home? How many hours a day or each week will you need to help? Will you have backup help so that you can take a break?

Find a sounding board for yourself.

It is crucial that, as a caregiver, you feel heard and seen. Some might feel comfortable venting to a trusted friend, while others may want to talk to a therapist on a regular schedule to make sure they are meeting their own needs. 

The more you know about your relative's needs due to age, medical situation, and personality, the better you can tweak your style of care to make things feel smooth. 

Remember that you are allowed to take breaks.

Create a support network around you that includes people or services such as respite care that you trust to step in when you need to step out. 

Joining the Sandwich Generation might feel overwhelming at first, especially when you weigh the costs. However, with some planning and lots of compassion, you can create routines and boundaries that will help you care for your family members and yourself without losing sight of your own financial, emotional, and physical needs.